i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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