Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
