the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
