thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
