am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
