im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
