help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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