You're my little dorito
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
