i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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