I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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