Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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