Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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