There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
