OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
