you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
