how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize