just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
