i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize