dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize