I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
