I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
