why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
