please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
