i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
