My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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