So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
did i just pee glitter
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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