pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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