Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
