8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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