a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this will be a night to untag.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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