i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
