I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
