Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
