And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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