The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
