I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
