I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
