Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
