Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
