I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
