yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
