idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
