Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
dude. I can hear the air.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
