he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
