I could make wine with my vomit
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How's work?
Spinning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
