everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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