I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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