please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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