first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
