one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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