I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
