i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
