if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
