It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
