we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Text me some of your sweat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
