i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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