I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
