the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
