so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
