If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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