Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
