He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
