i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
