just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
