um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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