After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
