All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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