You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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