I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
