My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
