I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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