Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
