It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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