We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
