How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize