I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize