Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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