I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize