there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
