its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
