I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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