I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
