I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
