The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
