i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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