he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
