maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
