so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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