Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
