Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
