i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
