Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
