Say something about gay babies.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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