I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
