he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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