Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
