We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I want is dick and wine.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
